I am Loved.

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Happy Valentine's Day!

A lot of folks balk at the commercialism of Valentine's Day (which is admittedly difficult to ignore), but I really do feel that it is a good opportunity to remind myself of how much I am loved.  Plus, eating a cupcake and watching 150 preschool kids dressed in pink and red dance around to love songs at the Valentine's Dance is a pretty good way to spend the day. :-)

My engagement ring is a new (very sparkly!) reminder of a very special kind of love I've been blessed with (by the way - I bought my wedding dress today!).  The quiche I had for dinner, made with eggs from my very own chickens, is another reminder.  Knowing that despite the roller-coaster of emotions from losing the farm and quitting my job, I have a supportive family and wonderful group of friends is a third.  The list goes on and on, but I can say with confidence that I am loved.  And I'm so grateful for that.

These days, I take comfort in what I can.  Thinking about the future - even as far as next week - is overwhelming and stressful.  I have 7 farm tours set up for this week (that I'm trying really hard to get excited about!), but beyond that I don't feel like I have much of a plan.  Even the (back-up) farm that I was hoping I could still lease for the season is unavailable.  I know there is plenty of opportunity out there - I just need to find it.

But for tonight, I am loved and that's enough.  One step at a time.

Moving On

 

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I'm a pretty big believer that a really good hug, a long sleep, and a hot pastrami sandwich can make anyone feel better - so yesterday that's exactly what I did. 

I only climbed out of bed in the morning to tend to the chickens and make sure they were going to have a great day (ie. fed them lots of treats of beet tops and bread crusts), and aside from a few midday errands I spent the rest of the day lounging around and scouring the internet for potential properties.  My parents had a very similar day (minus the chickens) and together we came up with a pretty long list of houses for sale in the area, which I then decided to sleep on.

I don't mean to be a Debbie-Downer (or even a Negative Nancy), but of the 20-ish properties I forwarded to my real estate agent this morning to set up viewings for, I'm excited about 0.  There are very few properties that are greater than 5 acres (10+ is my ideal) that have any cleared land.  I'm still just searching in New London county, in hopes that the loan office would be able to keep my application and transfer the property, but I think that could be overly optimistic.

So, I'm coming up with lots of other plans.  First on the list is to file a lawsuit and get closure on the Lebanon farm so that I can just move on.  Second is discussing alternatives with the loan agency, which I'm not looking forward to.  Third is resigning from my job at the preschool.  That may seem like a rash decision thrown in the mix of all of this turmoil, but there's been a really strong lack of job security (mixed with unnecessary drama) and I just don't need the extra stress right now.  I need time to come up with a better alternative.

Which brings me to item number 4: coming up with a plan for this season.  Even if I find the perfect farm tomorrow and everything goes according to plan, moving in the middle of June is just too late to really get started (but would give me a great jump on next season!).  I'm still looking to purchase something very soon, but also returning to some potential properties to lease in the short-term.  I may also look into purchasing land (without a house).  My goal is to just keep working on this project and seeking new opportunities.  I couldn't be more disappointed, but I do trust that something will come up.

There's got to be a farm out there for me.  And if not?  Well, I always wanted to be a ballerina.  I'll find my path somehow.

I lost my farm today.

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I woke up to this email in my inbox (forwarded from my real estate agent at midnight):

To Whom It may Concern,

In the lengthy amount of time it has taken to negotiate the Home Inspection Repair list, we have had time to reconsider these requests. We feel that the amount of items, and items requested are unreasonable and have decided not to repair anything at this time. We have decided to sell the home “as is” and will not be fixing any of the items listed.
X
 
I was shocked and left feeling uneasy - a renegotiation like this just isn't legal.  I had heard a rumor earlier in the week (from a very reliable source) that the current owners had been unable to get financing for the farm they were trying to purchase.  I had been treading carefully since then, but felt protected by the contract.  My agent called their agent to see what was up, and she told her that the owners were very offended that we found things wrong with the house they built with their own two hands and were taking it very personally.


Before my real estate agent had a chance to call me and tell me the news, the sellers called back and said that they were withdrawing the offer on the grounds that we were unable to come to a mutual agreement.  I was stuck at work (having a HORRIBLE day there as well!), so my agent ran down to the lawyers office to get feedback and advice.


Long story short, the sellers were able to find a loophole in the contract.  Because we weren't able to come to an agreement before they needed to withdraw the contract, I'm just out luck (even though I feel that giving me less than an hour to respond is extremely unfair, especially so early in the morning).  Our lawyer doesn't think it's worth the cost to sue over the disagreement, but we're filing a lawsuit on Monday morning.  They've taken my home and my business (and potentially ruined my chances at getting this loan that I've worked for over a month to get), and I expect to at least be reimbursed for the cost of the home inspection (which totaled just under $1,000).  The lawyer feels pretty confident in our case and I will at least be a little satisfied when that money is returned to me.


But it doesn't change the fact that for the SECOND time this winter, I have to start all over in my search.  I'm determined and have a team of people helping me scour the internet for potential properties in New London County.  I'm trying my best to stay level-headed and optimistic, and to not compare the properties to the one I had my heart set on.  Trying is the best that I can do.


To be honest, I feel a little numb.  I'm angry about how the sellers dealt with the situation (that's a bit of an understatement), and feel desperate for something to happen that makes it feel a little more fair (ie. being compensated for the inspection/having the house burn down because of the shoddy electrical work that we identified in the inspection...too much?).  I also feel desperate to find another home, and to hear from the loan agency that I can keep my application on file if I am able to find a substitute farm in a short time frame (fingers crossed).  I feel a little hopeless about getting started for this growing season - knowing the loan application process takes 100 days and that it's near impossible to start a farm in June.  Deep down I DO trust that things will work out.


Third times a charm, right?  Please?


I don't even feel like focusing on wedding planning because we were planning on getting married at our farm, and I haven't begun to imagine a new plan yet.  I don't feel like going to my farm planning class tomorrow because I've already planned two farms in the past 4 months and neither of them have worked out.  I don't feel like having to tell all of my friends and family that I lost this property over and over and over and have to listen to them try to comfort me.  I DO feel like curling up under the covers, but that won't get me closer to my dream.  I just need to keep searching.  At least the search is going much faster now that I've seen so many of the houses on the market.


I can't believe I have to start all over again.  

Whirlwind

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My head has been in the happiest whirlwind the past few days.  Buying a home, starting a farm, planning a wedding.  So many details to attend to, I've been having trouble staying focused!

I'm embarrassed to say that I still haven't ordered my seeds.  The catalogs got a little buried underneath the paint samples I picked out for the house, the bridal magazines my mom gave to me, and the stacks of other projects that need to be done.  What can I say?  I'm easily distracted.

I've been going back and forth with the current owners over the inspection report and the home improvements I asked to be made.  I think we're finally nearing an agreement.  This afternoon I drove up to Norwich to sign the final paperwork for my loan application.  Tomorrow it will be processed!  The last detail is a home appraisal, which I wasn't nervous about until my loan officer told me that she was.  Bah.  They put a request out for bids, and it usually takes 6-8 weeks.  As long as the appraisal comes back pretty close to the purchasing price (close enough that I could fudge it with my last bit of savings), I'll be pretty much set!

I'm incredibly fortunate with my timing - as my application was submitted just before this quarter's funding came in, so my the funding for my loan is currently earmarked for this quarter!  This could change, of course, but it's HUGE news.  It means that the money will most likely be available as soon as I need it, rather than needing to send my application to Washington and wait for a request.  I'm trying not to get too excited, but it's hard not to be optimistic.  I really need this to work out, but unfortunately the details are out of my hands.

Home. Farm. Wedding. Home. Farm. Wedding.

It's all really happening.

Loan Application: Complete!

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I received TWO letters in the mail today from the loan office: one stating that I am eligible to receive funding through the Farm Service Agency Beginning Farmers Loan program, the second stating that my application is complete!  I spoke with my loan officer this afternoon and she just has a few more things to adjust before the mortgage gets sent out for review.  After that, it's just a lot of waiting!

I also heard from the current owners today, that they would like to move the closing up a month.  It's not possible until I hear back on the mortgage (really NOTHING is possible until I get a mortgage!), but it's sort of exciting to know that if the funding comes through, I could move into the house even earlier than planned.  But I'd just be happy to move in on time, before the growing season gets under way!

This weekend I will be buried in planning - finishing the CSA plan, crop outline/maps, and seed order.  It involves lots of hot beverages, comfy clothes, and color coordinated office supplies.  (And maybe even some thoughts of planning a wedding!).  I couldn't be more excited!

This is all really happening...

I'm ENGAGED!

Best. Groundhog's Day. Ever.

I think I'm still in shock - what a surprise!  :-D

Unhappy Campers

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The current farm owners were NOT happy to arrive home this afternoon.  Apparently the septic company which I hired to do the inspection (against the suggestion of the current owners) did a crappy job filling in the hole.  Oh, and there was an entire survey crew in their driveway that arrived without notice.  We're all assuming that the Farm Service Agency ordered the land surveyed as part of the loan application, but they didn't notify anyone.  Their real estate agent was able to calm them down (I would have been pretty upset, too!), but it's never good when people get upset under stressful circumstances.

Did I mention that I also had the list of mandated home repairs sent over this afternoon?  There's no time like the present, right?

I'm hoping it goes over well.  And that the loan application can be completed in the next couple of days without any more snags.  It's probably a combination of working with 150 disease-ridden preschoolers everyday and the stress of purchasing a farm, but I've been sick every day since the new year and would love enough peace of mind to get a full night's sleep.  At least once before I buy a farm and I'm up every night worrying about something new!